It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
