All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just high enough for therapy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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