he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Blood and glitter go together right?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
