So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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