R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
