heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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