i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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