I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
