Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
