I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
