The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
