my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
