I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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