Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
