We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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