i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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