I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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