just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
