mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
