Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
