if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
