Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
