I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
