Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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