You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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