I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
