So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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