I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
