did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
