I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
