I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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