my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
