My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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