my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
