Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am available for nakedness
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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