so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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