There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
