drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
