I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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