Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize