she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
