was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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