Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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