After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
