I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize