happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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