so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
