I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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