Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
