you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
