So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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