The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
