Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
