A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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