I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
