You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize