You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
