:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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