You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
