We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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