we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think your dad took our porno
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
