there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
