they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
