I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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