Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
