I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
