I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
