We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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