I want you more than these girls want KFC
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
