All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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