i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
