he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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