i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
