he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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