If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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