So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
