I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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