If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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