At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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