If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
