i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
