yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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