White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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