i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
honey bunches of taint.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
