I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
