Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
